Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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