i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
