I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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