look no pants
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
