I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
