The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
