I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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