Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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