Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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