I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
