I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
