Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
