I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
