I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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