and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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