I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
