don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
foreskin is a definite game changer
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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