So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
