I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
