She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
