I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize