He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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