I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
