Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
