How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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