Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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