I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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