I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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