I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
