Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
