as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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