Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
