I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
