Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
