so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I will be naked everywhere
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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