Where is the hickey?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
