Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
