??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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