Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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