I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
