i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
