What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
