Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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