I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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