were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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