Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
