i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
sarcasm needs its own font
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
