The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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