He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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