During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
