Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
