How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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