I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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