Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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