Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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