the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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