god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
