Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
