I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
