i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
