I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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