i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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