I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
