quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
