a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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