I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
