I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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